Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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