a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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