the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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