Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize