The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize