Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
