Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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