You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
