He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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