im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
