got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize