I'm going to jail i love you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
