We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
