I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
