we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
