went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
