We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
