You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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