the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
