when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
