I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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