I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My ass is underappreciated
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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