i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
