the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
