So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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