Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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