I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
