he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
