True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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