do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
