No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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