No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
