Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
