No stitches, just platelets and will power
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Randomize
