Duck Duck Cougar?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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