absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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