omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize