Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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