I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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