forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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