it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
