As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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