whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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