Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even my farts smell like vagina
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
