Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
