walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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