btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
