He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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