I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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