How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
