Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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