This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This house was built for laser tag.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize