if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
