Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
