I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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