I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
