I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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