This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
