What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
