i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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