i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
