When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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