Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
