I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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