? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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