Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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