I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
