You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize